Here’s A 5-Point Bollywood Guide On How To Become An Olympic Winner In No Time!

Bhai’s Sultan recently hit the big screen, and as expected, it crossed the 100 crore mark in the span of a few days. I mean, there are better odds of the Earth stop spinning than Salman Khan’s film not earning 100 crores, right! So, yeah, it got rave reviews, people are going gaga over Bhai’s wrestler avatar, and how Bhai basically rocks. But one thing which is peculiar about the movie is, it really tells us how to become a freaking Olympic winner. While the real sportpersons of our country spend years and years training in their respective fields to make it to the Olympics, our boy Sultan achieves the same feat in a span of a few months. Sounds a little unfair, no? Seriously. If you leave out the sob/love story in between, the film is a simple guide on how to win an Olympic medal- since the film’s main character, Sultan, manages to do so in a few simple steps. Here’s how.
sultan-stills-09_1468223560_725x725Salman Khan

Bhai’s Sultan recently hit the big screen, and as expected, it crossed the 100 crore mark in the span of a few days. I mean, there are better odds of the Earth stop spinning than Salman Khan’s film not earning 100 crores, right! So, yeah, it got rave reviews, people are going gaga over Bhai’s wrestler avatar, and how Bhai basically rocks. But one thing which is peculiar about the movie is, it really tells us how to become a freaking Olympic winner. While the real sportpersons of our country spend years and years training in their respective fields to make it to the Olympics, our boy Sultan achieves the same feat in a span of a few months. Sounds a little unfair, no? Seriously. If you leave out the sob/love story in between, the film is a simple guide on how to win an Olympic medal- since the film’s main character, Sultan, manages to do so in a few simple steps. Here’s how.

1. You’ve got to have no aim in life.

Sultan

moviemaaja

Precisely. All those people who start training for the games since their childhood really have no idea what all they could be doing instead. Because apparently, people who have literally no training in any sport till the age of 30 (YES!) can go on to become great Olympians in their (further) adult life. So, come on, there’s seriously no need to put in years and decades of training to win a gold medal at the Olympics.

2. Fall in love with someone who has Olympics dreams.

Sultan

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Stuff like independence, self-worth, your own identity, self-respect, or simply achieving in life to make yourself and your parents proud don’t mean jack. Well, not at least till the time you’ve fallen in love. No love = all the free time in life to indulge in kite flying. Love = damn, you got to do an actual job and become something in life so that the girl of your dreams respects you and agrees to be with you. Honestly, no love here sounds like a much cooler option, but #Bollywood. There MUST be love. So, once you’re in love with a chick who is a wrestler and your only chance of scoring with her is to become a wrestler yourself, that’s when you start training. Who gives a shit if you’re already 30 plus. Sure, the sport is about training, fitness, moves, tricks and nuances, but love will get it all covered for you. Pyaar, is the answer to all your woes, including how to become an Olympian.

3. Train for a brief while.

Salman Khan

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Yup. So your POA includes a few months of training to become a medal-winning wrestler. Hey, I am not kidding, alright. Our boy Sultan trains for a few months and becomes the state champion. So that says a lot about the amount of training you need to go from a, well, nobody, to a state level wrestler.

4. Get your own bae and her daddy to train you.

Salman Khan

businessofcinema

See, it’s a really simple logic. When you’re training with bae, to score with bae, things become a lot simpler. First of all, when bae trains you, you get to be close to her all the time. So your chances with her increase automatically. Plus, remember, you’re training to become a wrestler, which would directly give you access to bae’s heart, because that’s what she wants, to be with a wrestler. And of course, papaji is also training you, to make sure you actually learn a thing or two about the sport, rather than just imagining running the fields of Haryana singing love songs. Just imagine, how tough it’d be for people without their bae acting as bait, to win Olympic medals! *Shudders*

5. Marry bae and finally, get the Olympics Gold.

Sultan

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Just follow our Bollywood guide, and that’s precisely how things will turn out for you. You’ll be totally unstoppable and invincible. And since you’re successful now, bae will finally agree to get hitched! Ah, half of the mission is already accomplished! Now, you’ll keep winning medal after medal, without fail, because, duh uh, you’ve trained for a month or two. And roughly add less than two years to that, you’ll end up becoming an Olympic winning wrestler (Yasss!). And no, we’re not talking bronze or silver. This is gold, we’re talking about. Seriously, all the Abhinav Bindras and Sushil Kumars would be repenting their years of training right now! Joke’s really on them!

PS: Add a familial tragedy to that, preferably involving a baby, and you’ll surpass the Olympic winner title. And once again, with just a few months of training (almost touching 40 now), you can become an MMA champion as well. Sure, it’s way more complicated and tougher than wrestling and people spend years training for it since a young age, but this is Bollywood peeps, and it’s the only way you can become an Olympic winner. Plus, you get a bonus as well – you become the MMA champ too!

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